Here’s a Productivity Matrix For the Anxious Like Me
2023 was a confusing concoction of achievements, milestones, and mental health issues for me.
I earned my Master’s but developed a panic attack disorder. I got engaged, but now I can’t go anywhere without my Xanax. I adopted a dog with my fiancé, but I’m terrified of going to the post office.
The stress factors, i.e., school, moving, and unemployment, were to blame of course, but I also point the finger at the way I handled things. I admit, I was a firm believer in a more traditional productivity strategy: waking up at 5 am, the ‘sleep when you’re dead’ type of thing. A lull in the day was a cue to add more stuff to my to-do.
My day used to look roughly like this: Wake up at 5 am, do research for my thesis until 8, start working at 9, and when there is downtime at work, go back to working on my thesis, French class at 5 pm three times a week, take a break, and at night, work on my CVs and motivation letters.
It did the job — I got my degree, yes, but at what cost? One night, I had an awful panic attack and felt like I was in a daze for three days. Nothing felt real if that makes sense. I knew I had to reassess my unhealthy work habits.
